An unreal coyote

I had an e-mail today from a gardening association. They suggested that if I had problems with pests in my garden – rabbits maybe or Canada geese or deer – I could now purchase a ‘faux coyote’. The concept set me back a bit because the word ‘faux’ doesn’t quite seem to match coyotes, but OK, I read on.

The faux coyote, pictured in a crouched, ready-to-spring position, was three dimensional and was supported on a stake which should be driven into the ground. To make it seem more realistic the tail was made of a lighter material that moved slightly in any wind. To make it seem even more realistic the write-up said, “sprinkle coyote urine all around your garden”.

Huh? Say what?

Where am I going to get coyote urine?

I tried the pet store. None. I tried the garden shop where I was invited to sit down for a while on this chair as the sun was very hot, wasn’t it?

I tried the nearest big box store where they sell absolutely everything – but not coyote urine.

I tried the vet where the assistant, who was rushed off her feet, suggested that it might be a do-it-yourself project.

Oh. Right. I should find a coyote, wrestle it to the ground and ask if it would kindly pee in this bottle. Or I should slip a leash on one, take it to my garden and ask it to please water liberally all around. I have met some coyotes in my time and I would not care for either course of action.

And besides, would I really like to be crawling about on my hands and knees in a garden soaked in coyote urine?

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